Letting Go
by Acathla
Summary: Emily reflects on what she lost...


**AN: Warning...this is a sad story. Angst, my first real attempt at it. **

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**Letting Go **

I knew there was a reason I hated New Orleans and as I sit here in my rented Cherokee, staring at an unremarkable looking church, I mentally add more reasons to hate this city. The only radio stations I can pick up are all country and while some songs are ok, it's not my preferred genre. Although, considering the mood I'm in, it might be the most fitting. She left the BAU a year ago, shortly after the case in New York City. She accepted his marriage proposal and moved to...New Orleans. I hate this town and dread coming here on a case. She joined the local field office, being the media liaison for the local branch. We don't talk anymore. She called a few times but then, the calls stopped and never started again. I was too proud to call her and pretty soon, all I had were my memories.

I wonder, as I sit here, if I hadn't overheard Garcia and Morgan talking about it, would I have ever been told that they had set the date and were getting married today? Would I have ever known that today was the day when I would forever lose the woman I have loved for the last 3 years? Suddenly, the commercials end and a song comes on, I listen to the words and they start to make sense to me, they fit the situation and it's a little scary how accurate they really are:

_"Drove to the church,  
in my suit and tie,  
but I just couldn't bring myself, to go inside._

_So I sat alone,  
in my truck across the street,  
watched that chauffeur smoking cigarettes  
by that long white limousine._

_And I could just imagine,  
what was going on in there  
sunlight streaming through the stain'd glass,  
and those flowers in your hair._

_and in less time than it takes a tear to fall  
those bells rang loud as thunder  
as they opened up the doors  
now I don't have to wonder...anymore."_

Just then, as if on cue, the doors to the church I'd been watching opened. And Jennifer Jareau and...Will LaMontagne, his name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, came out of the church. Jennifer looked happier than I'd ever seen her. Happy, and in love and I know that she's not thinking about me. I see her going through the motions then she kisses her new husband and they get into the limo and drive away. I notice Garcia holding a baby boy and I realize that it's Jennifer's child...with _him_. Garcia glances my way. She smiles sympathetically and puts a hand up to wave at me...I can't handle this so I just drive away in the other direction.

_"Laughing and crying  
tossin that bouquet  
and when you got in that limo  
I drove off the other way._

_And I still don't know  
why things happened like they did  
but I parked that old pick up on  
that lonesome river bridge._

_I took your ring from my pocket and  
I held it one last time.  
I watched that diamond sparkle  
I drew back and I let it fly._

_And in less time than it takes a tear to fall  
oh that old ring went under  
lord and now it's gone for sure  
no and I don't have to wonder anymore._

_Oh the Angels sang like thunder  
as I felt myself go under,  
now I don't have to wonder... anymore"_

I look down at the water flowing under the bridge I'd stopped at to think. I never got to tell her what I wanted. Before I could gather the courage to tell JJ how much I loved her, that I wanted to be with her...the Miami case came up and I found out that she had been dating that detective from New Orleans for the last year. My heart cracked when I found out she was with him. When I overheard her break up with him, I rejoiced for a moment until I saw the real pain in her eyes as he walked away. So I did what someone who truly and unselfishly loves another does, I encouraged her to go after him, pretending that I didn't know she had already had him. Seeing her kiss him, I felt my heart shatter completely. I played it off with Morgan and Reid but I was dying inside.

I step away from the railing and walk back slowly to the SUV. I can feel the warm air on my tear stained cheeks as I remember the small window of opportunity I had with JJ, before I foolishly threw it away. I remember all the good times we had and the love I still feel for her.

I don't know how I'll go on from here, knowing that the door to Jennifer's heart is forever closed to me. It hurts to know that we could've had something great if I hadn't been so...stupidly noble. But the past is done and there's no changing it. However, knowing that she's happy, that she has the life she wanted, is going to have to be enough for me.

I'll always love her, but I know that I have to move on. I have to find a way to let her go and let someone else in...even if the mere thought of that leaves me curled up crying myself to sleep every night.

THE END

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**AN2: I know I have to update a few others but this one came to me and wouldn't leave me alone until I posted it. It was originally a story I wrote for a different show and pairing but I did an almost complete rewrite of it to fit Emily/JJ because the song just fits them I think. Enjoy. I am working on Senior Year and a new CM fic that I won't post until I have a few chapters done. **


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